Sexy Back!
by FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut
Summary: Its Edwards birthday and his family and Bella decide to surprise him with a present. Too bad its going to be given to him in front of the whole school, and of course its not your average present either! -One Shot-
1. Happy Birthday You Sexy Thing!

**Disclaimer: I do not own… Twilight, Sexy Back or the Llama song. –SOB-**

_Sorry Guys, no update! I'm just rewriting this to make it sound a little better, enjoy!_

**A/N Hey all, this is my first Fan Fiction story, so easy on the criticism. It's a one shot, so it only one chapter but its still a little long. I just want to give a big shout out to; La tua Cantani, Heart of Diamonds, Rena (aka shortie) Melly, Bella B, Charlotte, Leanna and Lizzie. All whose praise and criticism helped me and made me feel good about my writing. Thanks guys, I owe you one! **** And finally to Dell Bell, for putting up with all my rubbish and all **_**her**_** bad luck!**

**Enjoy**

**BPOV**

The lock clicked and we ready to go. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and I were locked in the principals' office of Forks High School, with the door barricaded and Rose standing guard.

We were waiting for the clock to read 9.30am, at which time we would put our devious plan into action. Today marked Edwards's 118th birthday, and it was going to be a day he would remember forever.

Emmett grinned recklessly at me.

"Scared Bella?"

I didn't even need to reply, the fierce beating of my heart and the deep red blush on my cheeks gave me away already- I was terrified.

Edward was _so_ going to kill me for this.

**EPOV**

I sighed lazily and waited for class to start. Today was my 118th birthday. Nothing really special, I mean, not when you live forever. Alice was bound to throw some kind of silly birthday celebration as a chance to dress up and Emmett would make some idiotic comments abut me aging gracefully, but other than that, it would be a day the same as any other in this hell hole of a school. I sat down, listening to the thoughts of the people around me.

_Oh no, how will I get out of this one, I haven't even studied for this stupid test…_

_Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama- god that song is catchy…_

_Wow, do you think Edward just looked at me? God I hope so, I mean just look at the top he's wearing, it makes him look gorgeous!..._

I snorted. While human's thoughts may be extremely primitive and shallow sometimes they were also quite amusing to listen to. But, why on earth would I even dream of looking twice at that stupid Jessica Stanley? She annoyed me constantly with her snide comments about Bella and her sleazy thoughts of me. Of course I did blame Alice partially. If it weren't for her using me as a human Barbie doll I wouldn't get half the strange looks I do now. Then again…

Finally the teacher walked in. Mr Leary was, in one word, a pushover. He waltzed into the classroom five minutes late, and after a futile attempt at calming the class down he started talking- just as the clock ticked over to read 9:30.

"In today's lesson" he started in his unnaturally high voice "we shall learn about the cultural origins o-"

-SCREECH-

The shriek of the schools speaker blared out, to my vampire hearing sounding like the scraping of a thousand nails on the black board.

"_Testing… testing… 123…"_

My mouth went dry. The voice on the intercom wasn't the one I'd expected to hear. Not the voice of the principal of Forks High School, but the voice of someone I knew much better.

Emmett.

This wasn't good, and I was betting it had something to do with my birthday.

"_Welcome, one and all to the amazing and new and improved loudspeaker system, the __**Cullen's 4 Eddie**__! This amazing new high tech system is in place for one day only. Why you may ask? Because today is a special day in history, a momentous occasion, a cause for celebration, it's a-"_

"_Oh shut up Emmett."_

Alice. So _she _was part of this as well. I wondered who else had joined in on this little scheme. Whoever else it was would definitely be going down.

"_What Emmett is really trying to say is that it is the magnificent Edward Cullen's birthday!"_

Oh no. They were definitely dead. As soon as Alice had spoken twenty-four heads had swived in my direction and 24 pairs of eyes were scrutinising my every move. It was definitley too late to make a run for it now, I was going to have to wait this torture out, and knowing Emmet, that could take a while.

"_So today" _

Alice giggled sounding like a kid on Christmas morning.

"_We have composed, or rather re- written, a song especially for him. I hope you enjoy…_

**SEXY BACK! Edward Cullen STYLE!"**

The Music from the song Sexy Back Blared out of the loud speakers, and then, they began to sing...

**Edwards bringing sexy back (Yeah!)  
****It is his birthday, give his ass a whack (Yeah!)  
****His ochre eyes give you a heart attack (Yeah!)  
****He's freezing cold you gotta get it fast (Yeah!)**

**Take it to the bridge…**

**Dirty bells (uh huh)  
****You see his rock hard abbs there hard as hells (uh huh)  
****Carlisle can bite him if he misbehaves (uh huh)  
****Its just he's hotter than a summers day (uh huh)**

**Take it to the chorus …**

**Come here boy  
****Go Ed be done with it.**

**Let's make some noise  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Strike a pose  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Don't hit on Rose!  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Salute the USA  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**You aren't gay?  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**You make me smile  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Mike Newton is vile  
****Go Ed kick ass**

**Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it  
****Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it  
****Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it  
****Get you sexy on **

**Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it  
Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it  
Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it  
Get you sexy on **

**Edwards brining sexy back (Yeah!)  
****And he knows Bella has gorgeous rack (Yeah!)  
****And that he can not beat Emmett's wisecracks (Yeah!)  
****But that's ok 'cause he's a tasty snack. (Yeah!)**

**Take it to the bridge…  
**

****

**Dirty bells (uh huh)  
****You see his rock hard abbs there hard as hells (uh huh)  
****Carlisle can bite him if he misbehaves (uh huh)  
****Its just he's hotter than a summers day (uh huh)**

**Take it to the chorus …**

**Come here boy  
****Go Ed be done with it.**

**Let's make some noise  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Strike a pose  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Don't hit on Rose!  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Salute the USA  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**You aren't gay?  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**You make me smile  
****Go Ed be done with it**

**Mike Newton is vile  
****Go Ed kick ass**

**You ready?**

**You ready?**

My eyes glistened red, although no one noticed, since I'd long ago closed them in disgust and horror. Venom pooled at the back of my throat and my anger burned, white hot.

"_Thanks for listening! That will be all!" _chimed Alice's wind song voice.

A thousand ways of torture to the people responsible for this act of attrrocity burned through my mind.

_Oh my GOD! That was the funniest thing I have ever heard! These tears won't stop coming…_

Emmett _definitley _wouldn't mind if I restyled his car, would he, maybe hot pink?

_HA! Wow I never knew it was Edwards's birthday… I'm going to ask him about this…_

And Rose and Alice's wardrobe would make a superb bonfire, mabye i could throw them in it while i was there…

_Wow. Did you hear that? OMG! It was Bella; maybe she secretly hates Edward too… I mean, she did just embarrass him in front of the entire school! But in the song she said something about me being… vile? Well, at least she mentioned me… Oh! Maybe I have a chance now! I think i'll ask her out again... _

And Bella, _My_ Bella had been turned to the dark side. I couldn't believe that a sweet innocent girl like her, could hav been changed so dramtically by my idiotic family.

The class was silent around me, but I could still hear the laughter in their thoughts, hear the laughter in the other classrooms. It was infuriating, inescapable… everywhere. I pushed my chair back and stood up, stalking out of the classrooms despite the feble protests of my teacher.

And I ran…

- laughing all the way home.

**Go on,you know you want to, click that little blue button down there and... REVIEW REVIW REVIEW! I know that its annoying, believe me i do! But you have no idea how much it helps! ****So did you like it? Did you hate it? PLZ Review! Even if you just put down what you ate for breakfast it would be helpful! **

**If you would also be so kind, could you please tell you're friends about this fanfic? I really want as much response from as many different people as possible! **

**Thanks.**

**PS. can you answer this riddle or are you too weak of mind…**

**_Who is my father's grandma's sister's only sister's only son's wife's daughter?_ **

_**FUTURE A/N : **Also, dont foget to check out my NEW stories, Especially "Twenty Bucks In Twent Seconds"! Thanks! _


	2. Undeserved Punishment

**Those of you who have seen this Fic before today would know that I set up a competition for my lovely readers in wich you had to write a sequel for Sexy Back. **

**This is the WINNER of my little Sequel contest. It was VERY, VERY close. I had no idea so many talented authours read my Fanfic!!! In the end it came down to two awesome fics... and so I had to choose. **

**But I present to you THE WINNER of The Sexy Back Sequel Contest...**

_Undeserved Punishment By CullensGrl_ **(The real version is on her profie and my Favourite stories list. Go and REVEIW HER!)**

_Song included: Right Round – Flo Rida (Deutsche Version)_

I arrived back at the house within the minute. If I had actually needed to breath it would have been difficult, because I was laughing so hard. Ideas and plots for revenge was running through my mind faster than a cheetah could run. The thought of their faces when they found out what I'd done was making me double over with mirth. Then I remembered that Alice might be watching my future carefully and immediately began singing "Right Round" in German to distract myself. The good thing about being a vampire was that I could think of more than one thing at a time, which meant that while I was inwardly singing (_"Du spinnst meinen Kopf recht herum..."_) I was also vaguely deciding which punishment I would execute first. Emmett, I decided...

**If you want to read the rest the link is in my favourite stories list!!!!!**

**I Loved it. Honestly HILARIOUS! Go give her a review. Thanks to eveyone who entered! If you were wondering, Revenge of The Crullest Kind By Kisses Of Chocolate came in a close second (I just loved her revenge, it was so original and AWESOME!) so thats a good Fic to check out too. **

**There's also a Sexy Back Sequel Community on my Profile if you want to see the other entries. Some of them are really great!**

**Much Love, Sorry for the A/N!**

**~FWWBH**


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